Moms Need to Hear Nice Things About Their Kids

Yes, moms need manicures. We need nice bags, and recipes that make them look like they are a stylish Martha Stewart. But all of that is just the icing. The "cake" is our families...the children that make us a mom. And compliments about those amazing little creatures that have caused bags under our eyes, spit up on expensive dresses, and embarrassed us by asking inappropriate questions extremely loudly at just the wrong time mean more to us than any praise over a lovely bag or a gourmet dessert.

Today, when I got home and began thumbing through the mail I came upon a handwritten envelope with a local address from a person whose name I didn't recognize. Being that this was much more interesting then the sales flyers or my husband's ESPN Magazine, I opened it first. I found a handwritten note from one of the administrators at Ben's preschool. Having only known her as Miss Mary over the past two years, I hadn't recognized the last name on the return address. Her words brought tears to my eyes both when I read it the first time, as well as when I re-read it to my husband on the phone a few minutes later. While I won't bore you with the whole note, I will share the two parts that choked me up the most:

"You have been one of my favorite hello's and now you are one of my hardest goodbyes."

"This graduation is going to be a tough one for me. Ben has made a permanent impression in
my heart. To steal Dorothy's final words to the Scarecrow...I think I am going to miss
him most of all."

Even typing it brings tears to my eyes. I have seen Miss Mary in the afternoons when I pick Ben up, chatted with her when I have had reason to stop by the office, and shared laughs at the children's many performances over the last two years. She has always made a fuss over Ben, but she is amazingly kind and loving with every child I have seen her interact with. I never really considered Ben as having stood apart to her, yet always appreciated how genuinely kind she was to him and the rest of our family. Her note touched me so greatly, not only because she went through the amazing effort to send the personal note to our home instead of leaving it in his mailbox at school, but also because I had raised this little person that had made an impression with an adult at his preschool in this way. I felt this to be a huge compliment to him and his character, and, I can only hope, to his dad and I for how we are raising him.

I'll take a compliment of one of my kids any day over all the designer purses or manicures in the world :)

My June Challenge

I had planned to wait until July to come up with my first challenge...planning ahead is the key to success, after all.  However, I'm going to jump in this month, albeit a few days into June, and I'll explain why.  So my 4-year-old, Ben, came down with a sore throat and fever yesterday morning, which kept up anchored to the house on one of the first truly beautiful Sundays that we have had this year.  Typically, we would frantically be running errands, coming home, packing up the picnic basket, then head to the pool.   There, we would monitor the kids playing with their friends, while we caught up with fellow parents that we had lost touch with over the cold winter months, when we were only able to waive to one another from snow covered car windows at school drop off or pick up.  The kids would play until exhausted, we would pack up the car, and usher them home to showers and bedtime.  In exchange for a relaxing night, we would run around doing laundry and packing lunches for this last week of school, only to collapse on the couch only long enough to go over the week's schedule and then go to bed.  This is a normal Sunday in our house, just as in so many other houses across the country.  Yesterday, however, being grounded by Ben's fever and sore throat, we actually stayed home.  Ben napped on and off on the couch, my husband monitored him from the other couch, while keeping one eye on a baseball game, and eventually napped himself.  I cleaned out the refrigerator and then joined Hanna in the backyard, where we both sat in the sun and read and chatted on and off about what was in our respective books.  After a very casual dinner we all sat on the couch and watched a little TV.  We tucked the kids into bed, and Ben came down several times to report that he wasn't tired, having slept all day.  At his request I went and laid in his room with him for a little while until he was ready to fall asleep.  When he finally seemed to be out for the count, I went back downstairs to re-read my last post about the monthly challenges.  Looking back at my day, I decided I didn't want to wait until July for my first challenge.  So here it is:

Each day this month I am going to spend at least 10 minutes with each of my children alone just talking about their day or something that is on their mind.  


We are so busy with keeping up our busy lifestyle that sometimes the simple things are what we end up missing. Yesterday when Hanna and I were sitting outside, and then when I was sitting in in bed with Ben when he couldn't sleep, I was able to have really nice talks with both of them.  Some serious, some funny (things from the view of a 4-year-old boy tend to be fairly entertaining), but all of them important.  Being a working mom I tend to get caught up in the tasks and I don't really spend the kind of time I would like to just being with my kids.  Furthermore, when I am with them I am trying to maximize my time, so unless I am doing homework with Hanna I rarely spend much one-on-one time with either of them.  This month that will change.  I am going to make time every day to spend at least 10 minutes alone with each of them just talking...no homework, or TV....just talking.  Without a doubt, as happened with Ben last night, some of the things will be funny and worth sharing, so I added a tab onto my blog titled "Quotes From My Kids" which will also serve as my own kind of diary for myself of my personal challenge this month.  Kind of an online record of all of those things our kids say to us that we as moms tell our other mom friends, or our parents, or husbands...Those endearing moments of motherhood we wish we could capture and freeze in time.  As is the goal of the monthly challenge, I am hoping that doing this for the rest of the month of June will create a new dimension to my landscape...a tradition with my kids that helps me relate to them in a different way and makes them feel special, and creates some memories for us to have in the future.

Standby...check out my "Quotes From My Kids", and I would love to hear some of those funny things your kids say as well :)

Moms Need New Adventures

I was reading a recent post on my favorite blog by Kelle Hampton, Enjoying the Small Things at www.kellihampton.com, and she was discussing how every month she was going to challenge herself to do something new...something she always wanted to do but had always found an excuse not to. She challenged herself to run everyday. Even if it was just a few blocks, she was committing to put her running shoes on every day for a month. This stayed with me even after to folding closed the cover of my lovely new iPad (my husband thinks it's his iPad, but just because he got it for his birthday :). So I continued thinking about this and how important it is to continually add to our own personal dynamic...kind of a landscape of who we are as a person. Choosing to give ourselves a new challenge on a monthly basis changes the landscape, and adds new dimensions to who we are as a person.

I feel like this idea is central to the whole reason I started this blog...to remind mom's just like me that they are important people independent of their lovely children, that they deserve nice things that make them feel pretty, that they need to pamper themselves, and to have an identity as a person, as well as a mom. How better to find definition in yourself then posing new challenges, finding new things you love, and accomplishing things that had always been on your "someday I'm going to ____" list.

In challenging yourself every month to try something new for those 30 days maybe you'll find things you hate and never want to do again, but at least you tried. For example, I really don't think I like fish. I've tried it a few times...don't like it. My husband doesn't like it, so there's never any pressure for me to make it or motivation for me to try it. So, in thinking about these monthly challenges I decided maybe one month I should commit to making at least 5 different kinds of fish for dinner that month. Maybe I will find one or two recipes that we like and can throw into our dinner rotation. On the other hand, maybe I slave over 5 dinners and each time we are disappointed or end up bagging it and ordering takeout. Either way I can come out at the end with a broader landscape of who I am. I can either add "fish connoisseur" to my definition of myself, or permanently remove "try salmon" from my list of "someday I'm going to _____".

So this month I'm going to come up with my challenge for myself for July :) When I do I'm going to make myself accountable to any of you who may be reading this, hoping you might be out there listening. Maybe you"ll take the challenge on too. Maybe you'll share your personal challenge here and we can do it together.

A few things I have been thinking of for my first challenge in July:

• Take at least one picture of my kids every day and add them to my blog 

• Try to make a different kind of fish for dinner once a week for the month

• Finally start Ben's baby scrapbook even though he is almost 5, and complete at least 10 pages before the month is up.(Hanna's book is a beautiful testimony to her first year of life and of my creative energies...as a second child Ben is lacking any concrete representation of the first year of his life.)

What would you do? I'd love to hear your ideas!!